I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
