Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
