I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
