I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
