i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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