you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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