Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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