I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
