I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
