i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
