Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
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I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
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People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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