Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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