My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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