Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
worst night to have a conscience
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
