i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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