He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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