I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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