Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
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He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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