Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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