I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
