Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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