This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
