I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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