I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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