I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
