Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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