just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
