Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
