I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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