I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
