hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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