i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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