don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
