i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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