just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
