fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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