My nipple is on Facebook.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
