i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
