I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
