It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
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dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
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I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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