Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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