my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
