you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
