the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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