Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
