Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
birth control should be required to get into college
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
