kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
