1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
