I think i sorta joined a cult last night
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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