apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Panties = found
Randomize
