What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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