So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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