he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
