How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
