look no pants
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
