You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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