I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize